Prayers and Guidance

MamaLynn

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
I am going to be very transparent and honest here. This is our first homeschool year. My son is in 6th grade and I truly believe God put it on my heart to remove him from public school and homeschool him. I know I am giving him the best education, but we have encountered things I simply wasn’t anticipating. I work 4 days outside of the home. My husband was not on board with homeschool as he felt it was simply “adding unnecessary stuff to my plate”. Which causes its own set of expectations with this experience. Well, my son has been WAY less than cooperative (that’s putting it nicely)...it is literally an argument every day for him to complete his assignments. He lies constantly about starting and finishing things, I check his work every night, and EVERY NIGHT he has lied and not completed his work. I have threatened him with returning to school (which he has a complete meltdown over), but the behavior doesn’t change. I took off some of his school work to alleviate the load (thinking that was it), yet, here we are — starting school at 6pm and NOTHING completed (although he told me he had finished 3 things today). We already do a modified schedule with our heavier days being Friday-Sunday & really light work on Monday & Tuesday. The days I’m at home he works diligently most of the time.

I’m at my wits end. I truly don’t know what to do. He knows I don’t want to return him to school (the environment he was in was horrible to say the least). I just don’t know what to do, I can’t quit my job to be home with him. I have tried to find a stay at home option — but currently we are building a house and living with my parents, so not and option now. — Regardless, I can’t find a work from home job with comparable pay in our very rural area.

ANY words of wisdom and prayers are tremendously welcomed and in fact — PLEASE pray for us. I knew it would be hard...I just thought my bright boy would be helping me in this journey and not hindering it.
 

cristysoh

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Central Ohio
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of changes all at once!

Would you guess that he is probably able to do all the work if he put his mind to it? Like, none of it is really hard for him? And is a grandparent 'supervising' while you are at work? Because kids will slack off around grandparents, I know!

I think if you believe he is just struggling with the transition, you might do what is called "deschooling"... take some time away from the studies to get used to the routine of homeschooling. I don't know what state you're in, or the requirements, but now would be a great time to do a research project, or work on something nonacademic, until everyone is used to this new routine.

And please realize unless you are required by law, you may have him doing too much daily. But knowing what state you're in would help to know for sure.

Here, we do Math and English Language Arts four times a week. We do Science and History alternating days, 2 days a week each. We do a co-op and we field trip usually every 2 weeks.

We get more done than most of the public schools!

I donxt know if any of this will help, but if you can, please take this away: unless you are in a very strict state, you CAN be flexible :)

ETA: And I will certainly pray for you. It can be scary to start homeschooling and not have a cooperative kid! You know your child. Take him for an ice cream and reach his heart. What is this about? 🙏
 
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cristysoh

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Central Ohio
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of changes all at once!

Would you guess that he is probably able to do all the work if he put his mind to it? Like, none of it is really hard for him? And is a grandparent 'supervising' while you are at work? Because kids will slack off around grandparents, I know!

I think if you believe he is just struggling with the transition, you might do what is called "deschooling"... take some time away from the studies to get used to the routine of homeschooling. I don't know what state you're in, or the requirements, but now would be a great time to do a research project, or work on something nonacademic, until everyone is used to this new routine.

And please realize unless you are required by law, you may have him doing too much daily. But knowing what state you're in would help to know for sure.

Here, we do Math and English Language Arts four times a week. We do Science and History alternating days, 2 days a week each. We do a co-op and we field trip usually every 2 weeks.

We get more done than most of the public schools!

I don't know if any of this will help, but if you can, please take this away: unless you are in a very strict state, you CAN be flexible!

ETA, ...and of course I will pray for you. Maybe take him out for an ice cream and get to his heart on what this is about. Homeschooling is a big endeavor, but it is a marathon, not a sprint. He may need reminded of this, too. 🙏
 
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MamaLynn

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of changes all at once!

Would you guess that he is probably able to do all the work if he put his mind to it? Like, none of it is really hard for him? And is a grandparent 'supervising' while you are at work? Because kids will slack off around grandparents, I know!

I think if you believe he is just struggling with the transition, you might do what is called "deschooling"... take some time away from the studies to get used to the routine of homeschooling. I don't know what state you're in, or the requirements, but now would be a great time to do a research project, or work on something nonacademic, until everyone is used to this new routine.

And please realize unless you are required by law, you may have him doing too much daily. But knowing what state you're in would help to know for sure.

Here, we do Math and English Language Arts four times a week. We do Science and History alternating days, 2 days a week each. We do a co-op and we field trip usually every 2 weeks.

We get more done than most of the public schools!

I donxt know if any of this will help, but if you can, please take this away: unless you are in a very strict state, you CAN be flexible :)

ETA: And I will certainly pray for you. It can be scary to start homeschooling and not have a cooperative kid! You know your child. Take him for an ice cream and reach his heart. What is this about? 🙏
Yes, lots of changes! Grandparents are at home when I work, and he takes full advantage. Which is why I basically have him doing very little on days where I’m not there to supervise. I am in a fairly lax homeschool state, it offers flexibility and not strict standards. I guess, if I were to guess, I’m fearful of 2 things, that my son will view homeschool as a way to “get out” of schoolwork (evidently his immature mind, cause he never gets away with it), AND that I’m not going to do enough to facilitate his learning and my husband will also think he’s not getting enough of an education at home.

I’m praying once we are in our house, we will have the space and freedom to be more intentional about our days and evenings (which are somewhat restricted right now at my parents).
 

Cindy.benson

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2020
Messages
5
It is a struggle for me much of the time. Some due to my own failings in training them when they were younger, some due to having 6 children and being pulled in so many directions all day. In the end God has used this to help me grow, turn me to him, grow my prayer life and to help disciple my children and help point them to Jesus. In the end all of that is more important than the academics. Long story short...keep struggling, it is worth it. If God calls you to this trust Him with the results!
 

Dremr43

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
2
I am going to be very transparent and honest here. This is our first homeschool year. My son is in 6th grade and I truly believe God put it on my heart to remove him from public school and homeschool him. I know I am giving him the best education, but we have encountered things I simply wasn’t anticipating. I work 4 days outside of the home. My husband was not on board with homeschool as he felt it was simply “adding unnecessary stuff to my plate”. Which causes its own set of expectations with this experience. Well, my son has been WAY less than cooperative (that’s putting it nicely)...it is literally an argument every day for him to complete his assignments. He lies constantly about starting and finishing things, I check his work every night, and EVERY NIGHT he has lied and not completed his work. I have threatened him with returning to school (which he has a complete meltdown over), but the behavior doesn’t change. I took off some of his school work to alleviate the load (thinking that was it), yet, here we are — starting school at 6pm and NOTHING completed (although he told me he had finished 3 things today). We already do a modified schedule with our heavier days being Friday-Sunday & really light work on Monday & Tuesday. The days I’m at home he works diligently most of the time.

I’m at my wits end. I truly don’t know what to do. He knows I don’t want to return him to school (the environment he was in was horrible to say the least). I just don’t know what to do, I can’t quit my job to be home with him. I have tried to find a stay at home option — but currently we are building a house and living with my parents, so not and option now. — Regardless, I can’t find a work from home job with comparable pay in our very rural area.

ANY words of wisdom and prayers are tremendously welcomed and in fact — PLEASE pray for us. I knew it would be hard...I just thought my bright boy would be helping me in this journey and not hindering it.
I’m having the same problem with my gr’dtr, now age 16 and in the 10th grade. The Common Core is killing me as I can’t seem to grasp it. Right now, she has 6 wks to finish making up 2 quarters .
 

Belinda

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
4
What does he do instead of his school work when you're not there? I also work outside of the home, and screens became a big problem for us - my son would rush through his work, or skip subjects, just so he could go on screens for games. I just took his phone and my tablet with me to work, so that the temptation was removed. Once he realised I was serious about it, we came to an agreement that I would give his gran the list of work that needs to be done while I'm out, and only when he hands that in to her, will she give him a screen to play on.
 

lilbearsmama

Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Georgia
I'm lucky in that I'm able to work from home, but something you might try is of course deschooling but also just slowly ramp up. He doesn't have to do 30 million things at once.

Just my 2 cents, and I have an 11 year old who has always homeschooled, but he has some challenges where we need all the help we can get if there's too long a break (and the last 2 years have been awful!) What we have to do is this - for about a week, we do only 1-2 subjects. That's it. He is expected to do those and any chores I ask of him before screen time (now, thankfully, he will happily help with most things, even if it's "his" time. He might say "I'm in a multiplayer game and I can't pause, give me five minutes" but as long as he's respectful and actually does come in soon as round is over, I'm fine with it. I'm a gamer, I get it, and that trash bag isn't going to run amuck in my house for those five minutes.)

The next week, I add 1 or 2 things and that is it. And so on until we're at a full load. I give him a say in the order we do things. I may suggest an order (mostly to give his hands and mind a break and switch gears) but he has the say there. I also do variety - more in-depth stuff or games when I am off work, outdoor lessons when I'm off work, things he can do on his own when I'm working that he knows he is free to ask about.

He has a list of what is expected each day - when we're in our rhythm, it's a weekly checklist. But we do have an agreement - school is his job, and he must do it or legally I'm required to send him somewhere else. I will not go to jail because he refused to do his math and when he is grown, he needs to be able to do for himself - Minecraft won't work for that.

I do notebooking pages instead of workbooks most of the time (provides him an outlet for creativity and he chooses what he feels is important), and I try to add variety to lessons. Phone, laptop, and tablet are mine until after his end of the bargain is done unless he needs it for a lesson (then he knows that I will check his history to make sure of what he was doing - what he doesn't know is that the security program also logs it and lets me see what he does, if he ever learns how to erase it and has it's own password).

I was told by a friend who's a teacher that there are major changes in kids in upper elementary and in middle school - a lot of stuff is repeated over those years because they just are loonies. Does what you use fit his learning style and his capabilities? Is he placed correctly? Does he respond better to goals (do x amount of work to get y, get Bs on this to get xyz) or to someone else as teacher? Can he tell you what's preventing him from doing what he needs to do?

With so many changes, you might want to try unit studies! That's what I had to do (2 moves, 3 deaths in the family, etc in 2 years for us, so kiddo was a mess). I allowed him to choose, and even when his grandma was watching him a couple times for me, he still did his work because he wanted me to see what he made. Instead of a worksheet I'd left, he'd made me a Minecraft model of a farm, told me what everything was, then showed me a clay model he'd made of a plow like his great-grandparents would have used versus one now. So he got it, he understood it, it just wasn't in worksheet form.

Just suggestions!! I'm no expert, like I said, but maybe something in my rambling is helpful.
 

Mandy2545

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
57
I'm praying for you. I came across your post the other day, and it touched my heart. I'm thankful that my husband and I are on the same page when it comes to homeschooling. I know from other things in life that it can be harder when you have an answer from the Lord on something but your husband doesn't see it. If you can pray together and present a united front to your son it may help. Also, do you think an online curriculum with a teacher he would be responsible to would help? My only other advice is to not give up! Jesus will never forsake you! Bless you and your family!
 

MamaLynn

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
Thank you! In love your response. I know the Lord wouldn’t have put it on my heart and not give me the tools needed to accomplish his work. We are working towards progress. I’m hoping my husband will come around (he isn’t actively working against it, just sees it as an extra task on our busy plate). We tried an online, it was not a good fit.

Thanks again for the words and prayers, we are still trucking along.
 

Mandy2545

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
57
I know what you mean, online didn't work for us either. My son is nine, but he was eight when we tried it. We wound up spending about 5 hours per day on the computer, and the poor kid was getting headaches. My husband is the same way, and I know it means he loves me. I have some health problems, and if he thinks I'm doing too much the protective side comes out! Everything will be okay! Even if everyone is cooperating perfectly (in a dream world), homeschooling takes some adjustment. You'll find your rhythm! God bless you guys, and if you ever need me just look me up!
 

MomsBandB

Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2020
Messages
7
I agree with others about trying deschooling. And make sure media and games arent becoming too much of a time waster. Maybe let him select a topic he is interested in. Check to make sure you understand his learning style and which type of smarts are his strongrst then customize curriculum to feed those and his interests. And maybe have a talk with your parents and ask for their help in enforcing requirements.
 

FLTerri

Active member
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
35
I would ask him what HE wants to study and then go from there. Make it fun and casual. Maybe give him a project (an idea he comes up with all on his own) and give him a time limit to complete it.

One of the things that many of my clients children who have moved from traditional schooling to homeschooling struggle with is time management and accountability. This would give him both things to work on while relaxing a bit. Just keep reminding him that the later years in middle school get more and more difficult, but encourage him that he can do it!

If you want some more specific tips just let me know. And I'm praying for you!
 

MamaLynn

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
I would ask him what HE wants to study and then go from there. Make it fun and casual. Maybe give him a project (an idea he comes up with all on his own) and give him a time limit to complete it.

One of the things that many of my clients children who have moved from traditional schooling to homeschooling struggle with is time management and accountability. This would give him both things to work on while relaxing a bit. Just keep reminding him that the later years in middle school get more and more difficult, but encourage him that he can do it!

If you want some more specific tips just let me know. And I'm praying for you!
Thank you! Very helpful advice! My brother has since gotten involved in the 2 days that he does a bit of school independently. It has been a blessing so far (there’s 8 years difference and he’s taking online college courses). So he’s helping to keep him accountable on those day — it’s been great so far. 😊
 

Mandy2545

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Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
57
Yay! I'm so glad it's working out for you all! Your brother sounds like a great guy and mentor. Are you from Georgia, too? If so, did you get some of this crazy snow weather? My husband was in a wreck on the ice with our son, but thank the Lord no one was injured. It took them a couple of hours to make it home, but I was one happy Mama to get my hands on those two and give hugs!
 

MamaLynn

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
8
Yes! So far so good😊. We are in GA and have some pretty quirky weather (welcome to winter in the South 😑). We didn’t get any snow — just lots of rain. I can imagine after an accident just wanting to sit and snuggle rather than get out for ANYTHING!
 
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