I am not handling her mood swings well. She is at 'that age'... I feel like I am failing her because I am so frustrated with her attitude lately. I know that she is entering a time in her life when changes happen and that it is going to be a continuing theme. Does anyone have a book recommendation or something? Some advice? My husband really tries but is not much help in this case. He gets home from work and thinks that maybe she is just tired from a long day. I am tired of arguing with her. I need an attitude adjustment as bad as she does. But more than that, I feel that we both need to get on the same page and really understand what is going on. Thank you for all your help and prayers!!
I've been through this and it's so hard! I'm sorry!
First, I sit my daughters down and explain to them the biological aspect -- the hormones -- behind the mood swings. I want them to know that they aren't crazy for feeling crazy; that it's completely natural and normal. I explain to them that I have my own times of the month and that I hope they'll forgive me my craziness just like I'm going to forgive them their craziness.
Knowing that it's normal and expecting it helps our sweet girls to give themselves grace.
Second, we chart our mestrual cycles on the calendar, so we know when to expect the PMS and can plan ahead to curl up in the corner with a good book and leave others alone. (My 3 oldest daughters and I are on the same cycle and it could be constant cat fights, but it's not because we anticipate it)
Third, I know that often, when I behave badly or mistreat people, it stems from feeling unloved or unvalued myself. So I
intentionally and fiercely work to make sure my daughters don't feel that way. Extra hugs, a holy ton of listening, ice cream dates after the rest of the kids are in bed, whatever it takes. This works miracles. Sometimes I don't want to listen to an hour of tear-filled, mean girl stories. Okay, I pretty much never want to. I have things to do! But I listen anyway, and I ask questions so they know I care, and I hug them even when it feels like I'm hugging a porcupine.
In my opinion, making a child (and these tweens are still just children, even when they look grown up) feel loved and valued will make the biggest the biggest, most miraculous changes to their behavior. So time for them and phyisical contact with them (figure out her love language) is paramount.
Good luck! Hugs!
